"Daughters of Jerusalem"

Yes, my Beloved, He's the fairest of 10,000
Yes, He is holy, He is humble, meek and lowly

Yes, my Beloved, He's the fairest of 10,000
And yes, He is holy, He is humble, meek and lowly

Daughters of Jerusalem, tell me if you find him
I am lovesick, I am lovesick
Daughters of Jerusalem, tell me if you find him
I am lovesick, I am lovesick

All I want is to be near you, with you where you are
All I want is to be near you, with you where you are

Perhaps I have posted these lyrics before.. It's a beautiful song I learned while in college. Every Thursday night I would to "Harp and Bowl" ..

{The Harp and Bowl style of worship, which features musical prayer, derives its name from Revelation 5:8, which describes heavenly creatures which each "had a harp" and "were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints."

A common feature of harp and bowl worship is antiphonal singers, who use the Bible as a song book along with spontaneous instrumental accompaniment.[1]

This style can sustain long periods of worship - for instance, the International House of Prayer in Kansas City has used this method of worship to sustain a prayer meeting since September 1999. Their example has inspired other churches to adopt similar practices.[2]}
Anyways, to say the least it was beautiful, some of my most touching, powerful worshipful moments I have encountered.
This song is how I am feeling right about now... "I want to be near you, with you where you are..."
I have had strings pulling at my heart and mind the last few days, or actually, months when I really take time to think about it. I came to England with some... mhm... hesitation. Not because I didn't want to go, but wasn't sure if this was my calling. I knew I desired to be in missions, or to be an environment where I was receiving more discipleship training. Yes, I believe I can be a disciple anywhere, but, I want to be.. immersed into missions, and finding my foot hold in mission based work, in an obvious, intentional way. Does that make sense?
I feel like sure, I am enjoying myself here, and in the job I am at, well most of the time! I am feeling a bit tired and cranky today.
But.. I am not being challenged, I don't feel myself changing for God, or understanding him or myself better.
So, I have had a change of plans! I am going to try and love being in England, being with a wonderful family, seeing wonderful things... playing house, eating Cherry pastries, watching the Big Bang Theory, Skyping late at night with April, jogging along the beautiful path and sitting on the bench. These things I love.
But, instead of coming back next fall with a new family, I am going to change my path. I am going to seek out mission work, or school. I am going to see where God leads me in that.

"You're an Onion"

-for the Father himself loves you dearly... John 16:27
Isn't this an amazing verse? All I can say.. Rad.
This weekend was one I have never ever experienced before. At one point I was laughing and fellowshipping with three girls- all from different countries.. Brazil, Portugal and France. We all spoke English, at least with our own accents. I loved it, God made us all, and we were all in love with him.
This love became even more evident to me when us four went to a Praise and Worship service in London. The place was filled with love.. love for God, our neighbor.. And God for us!
We sang this one song that said
"Let Heaven come and invade this place..", this was our desire!
The speaker that evening was very open, honest and touching. He spoke on what his passion is in life- healing the Orphan heart, helping the fatherless people of our nation. Our generation has become one of "fatherlessness"... a world broken and wounded by.. so many things.. abuse, neglect, selfishness, ultimately.. our sin.
There was a newspaper article that Mark (Stibbe)read to us about a group of girls in Britain named "Britain's Bad Girls".. these girls are just causing trouble around Britain.. acting in gangs, etc.
But, as many of us can piece together, that with every action there is some motivation, or in this case an emotional past trigger. . Many of these girls admitted that they had an abusive/unloving father, or mother. See, how our relationships effect those around us? There is a world full of hurting people. And the thing is.. when some one experiences an abusive, unloving relationship with their Father on earth- they, sadly, equate that with their father in heaven.
How wrong, yet, perhaps understandable. My heart breaks for these situations. I think God touched my heart.
It's crazy because I keep having these reoccurring themes in my life..
first, I keep hearing the verse, or phrase, -O God let us be a generation that seek, that seeks your face, O God of Jacob.
I was amazed that God was clearly saying Rise up Nation! Now..
Then, I heard a lot about the seasons of life.. about how there is a time to grow and change.. move around, come home, etc.
Now.. this.. the "fatherless" nation concept.
What a cool thing.. I love hearing something repeated, because God knows I need a few times of hearing it for me to understand! Ha.
The rest of the day, and next, I got to meet all the other Au Pairs (from various different countries) that were working in England. We all got to bond, and they were all sweet, and funny. I loved feeling the community, and immediate friendship between us.
Lastly, another cool thing about my weekend! On the final leg of my longish trip back from London to Aylsham, I got to ride home with Mike, my host family Dad. We got to chat about Charismatic concepts, etc. It was good for me to hear his opinion, and just be able to have a conversation like that really blessed me!
Oh, and I got three books today, ready for the amazing finds and choices..
#1.. an older copy of my absolutely favorite book by Brennan Manning- The Ragamuffin gospel just fell into my hands! Rad? Rad.
#2..The Pilgrim's Progress.. yes, it's not as rad, but getting there. I haven't actually read it all yet, but, I am excited.
#3.. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE! Wooohoooooo. This one also excites me... especially when I get to see houses from the 1600's like I did today! ah, what a life.
Okay!
Cheerio!

While sitting in my new home in Aylsham I randomly picked up a book off the Garwood's coffee table. It was called "The Noticer" by Andy Andrews (Ha, I love the name!). Anyways, I started reading it and got quite absorbed rather quickly.. it's a novel full of life lessons, and words that will make you stop and think. I highly recommend this book! Though.. I am not completely finished it myself yet, but I would still recommend at least the first 40 pages! It may be some what hard to see the vast significance of these words with out character and plot outline.

So, I thought I'd post some of the quotes I have come across to make me think, and ring true.

"Everybody wants to be on the mountaintop, but if you'll remember, mountaintops are rocky and cold. There is no growth on the top of a mountain. Sure, the view is great, but what's a view for? A view just gives us a glimpse of our next destination-our next target. But to hit that target, we must come off the mountain, go through the valley, and begin to climb the next slope. It is in the valley that we slog through the lush grass and rich soil, learning and becoming what enables us to summit life's next peak."

"So, my contention is that you are right where you are supposed to be." The old man scooped up a double handful of the white sand and let it pour from his fingers. "It may look like barren sand to you, son, but nothing could be further from the truth. I say to you that, as you lay your head down tonight, you are sleeping on fertile ground. Think. Learn. Pray. Plan. Dream. For soon... you will become."

"Remember, whatever you focus upon, increases...When you focus on the things you need, you'll find those needs increasing. If you concentrate your thoughts on what you don't have, you will soon be concentrating on other things that you had forgotten you don't have-and feel worse! If you set your mind on loss, you are more likely to lose...But a grateful perspective brings happiness and abundance into a person's life."

Last Saturday I got attend a Capernwray presentation by four college students attending this bible school. Each student gave their background story, testimony and a glimpse of their experience as a Capernwray student. I absolutely loved hearing each one speak about the different things God was doing in their lives.. most of them had similar backgrounds.. actually, I don't like saying that.. because everyone has a unique story.. what I mean to say is this, they all grew up in a Christian homes, and lived in North America. One of the students had quite an opposite story, she was from Germany, and had gone through times in her life that I couldn't even fathom... my heart hurt for her, yet, she was now growing into this wonderful person from these experiences, I could tell she was down to earth...once you got to know her, she was funny and personable.

There was a Canadian among the group, from Alberta. After the presentation he approached me as a fellow Canadian and we talked for awhile. I could tell by the way he presented himself that he was also very down to earth, not super hyper or "outgoing", but friendly in his own way. One thing I picked up very quickly from our conversation is that he was slightly pessimistic about random things. I tend to get a long with sarcastic people, so this didn't bother me, if anything I found it refreshing. Felicity found how we related as Canadian's quite interesting.. and how we maneuvered through out conversation topics.. chatting about Americans vs Canadians, Missions vs. Bible School, etc.

I have always felt an odd one out when it came to loving college. See, when I was in college I loved certain aspects.. Praise and Worship services, my awesome friends and room mates, and some of the classes were interesting.. I loved that I could be with a body of people my age who liked being involved in different academic, curricular activities.. But.. there is huge but.. I just felt.. not quite right all the time.. I yearned to be.. out in the world, or, at least out of the small Dordt College Campus.

For months I struggled with as of why I seemed different than everyone else... many of my peers seemed to love college life.. going to the fun dances... hanging out late into the night... being alright with always being slightly tired... doing homework late...

It didn't add up.. I was pretty outgoing, or at least chatty.. I didn't mind groups of people, though I do know I before smaller, more personal groups of friends... and I didn't mind learning.. I was scared that if I didn't love college then maybe I wouldn't love anything! Or, I wouldn't be as... "well adapted" into society, ha.

But, then.. I heard about.. 4 people's testimonies that night at the Capernwray presentation that I found comfort in. Each of these students hadn't attended the typical college.. the two males had tried it out for one year and didn't enjoy it. One super outgoing, friendly, God driven guy said "University and I didn't get along!", Ha.

The Canadian was really honest and said though all his classmates at Capernwray were all pretty interested in heading into the mission field, he wasn't.. yes, he wanted to be involved in youth group leading, and he was a mentor.. but, his passion was construction.. and that was where he'd be a witness for God.

So often we forget that we can be a witness, a light, salt of the earth for God anywhere... at almost any career choice. So many of us young adults are wandering around thinking and arguing with ourselves as of what we should be doing with our lives.. we dismiss everyday opportunities... looking for something big and "meaningful" that should be our life goal.

Yes, I want to be involved with missions..Yes, I want to see the world... but, I also want the small things of life too. Being home, or mentoring a kid from my community... And most importantly, I want to be joyful in all these circumstances.. whether I am on the mountain peak, or the sloping hillside going to the valley.

I am on my way to England.
I am on the way to something new.
This is a new season.

I have been thinking continuously about the seasons of life. My friend once showed me a part of a book by Donald Miller that really got me thinking.. and touched my heart. It resonated many of my own ideas of life. I have been using some of his idea's to explain to people why England and my hope for a mission filled future is on my heart so often. But.. also, being.. home, part of one community, having lasting friend, and appreciating the small, simple things of life.
So, enough said from me.. here is Donald Miller, an amazing writer.

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
— Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road)

And I will change my ways

"It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind"

Mumford and Sons

Whenever I blog I think about conversations I have had in my life. I typically write about the one that resonates my thoughts at the moment when I blog. Yesterday night I had a few conversations that stuck pretty clearly in my head. But there is one simple line that keeps me guessing- honestly I remember being quite confused what it meant, so, the wording may even be a little off. But it was something like this -I always hit this problem with you'. Oh? It wasn't meant to be insulting, but, my resounding 'Oh?' still rings loud.
I never really could conclude what that continuous problem was.. Ha, I could assume a million things. My first thought was that it had to do with my fiestiness! I have been reflecting on the amount of time I argue- usually in entertainment- or the quickness I have acquired in being angry and defensive.
I have come to a few conclusions...
First.. I think I am legitimately upset sometimes. Ha. Don't worry I'll put my pride away in my second conclusion.
Secondly- I am stubborn! I get this from my dad, I know it. Sometimes my stubbornness is okay though... in sense that I have a strong opinion, and a tight grasp on what I believe. (was that really putting my pride away?. mhm.)
Thirdly.. I need to listen more... I sometimes consider myself a decent listener, but I need to do better.
Listening is a Godly virtue. I spend some much time talking, which can lead me to foolish words. Arguing, being defensive, and worrying to an obsessive point... knocking out listening.
And most importantly, I need to be listening to God. I want to be able to sit in silence for an hour without fidgeting, or picking up the phone, and being interpreted by something else I think I need to do. I yearn to hear, others, God. This my prayer not just this week, but for my life.

"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." -Ralph Nichols

"Silence is a source of great strength." Lao Tzu

I was going to try and write poetry, but if you know anything about my week, that seems too ironic. So instead I am going to be confusing, yet bluntly honest. Well, to give you a major hint the soundtrack to my life right now, sappy and ridiculous as it may sound, would be ".. cause when a heart break, no it don't breakeven.."
I would love to ramble on convincing myself that I wasn't heart broken over some guy, but, I said I'd be honest. Yes. Yes, I am.
But this I do know, I didn't know whether to.. be angry, sad, laugh, or whine. But then I came to a moment right after everything seemed to hit where God said- Jodi, Hey, calm down. Take a deep breath, and..re- evaluate.
I am almost certain God told me to reevaluate my life in the seconds after my heart broke. So, I have been sitting eyes tired, but my head full for the last 5 hours thinking mid night about what this all means.
Then, it all flashed through my head.. memories. I had done this before, I had experienced this before. Heck, when I was in grade 10 I picked up kick boxing- why? Because I had a broken heart, and God said, move your emotions to something else. I did, and I fell in love with kickboxing for a time in my life... and peace came into my heart.
And then again, I had yet another heart break, and I took up reading.. I just read whatever books fascinated me, and strove to learn... and peace came into my heart.
I have to take moments to just be.. BE.. me.. just do all those things I never take time to do because honestly, I was always with some one else.. or thinking about something else.
I let my heart be sad for awhile.. Ecc. says for everything there is a season. I go through seasons. I come out of something hard, and I reclaim my identity, or try to rediscover part of me that I let fall to the side. And.. I write. I look forward to seeing more of you blog.

We'll all come home as the years Collide

Dear Friend,
If I were to tell you about life here, it would be hard to describe. I feel time moving, yet, like I am stuck in high school with you. I feel like I am going to wake up one day, go back to school and have a purpose as of why I am in my home town still. I will walk through school doors, the little high school I grew up in, where all is comfortable, and sit beside my best friends again. I would see you, and that thing that made me love you would overwhelm me, just like it always did. I laugh to myself when I think about how far we have come, yet, sometimes when you are near we rewind to the beginning. This is the first time I believe it will be different, were different. I don't know if I like that or not.
I am not sure why you came to my mind tonight, we haven't talked for weeks. We have our passing promises to be great friend forever, and I believe it. You are in my heart, and I know that will never pass. It rooted so deeply inside of me- even if I tried to stop loving you, I couldn't. Whenever life gives me difficult situations I always find my last thoughts fall upon you, like a bad habit, you linger. I don't even believe you'd really understand, but, I have never really cared that you don't. You didn't have to understand, I always just had the illusion you would. Silly when we make out people to what we want when really, it could be that they are the farthest from. I don't think I always made you to be what I wanted though, sometimes you surprised me beyond my expectations. I miss that.
I am leaving to go visit friends from last year. And I am so.. overwhelmed with excitement, but I have let this other, thing?, get in my way. I try to think about what you'd tell me to do. I know it'd be simple.. you'd say "Forget it, and just have fun".
Simple, but true.
Thank you.
"We work so hard
to be who we are...
we tell stories from the past..
it's just so good to see you,
And I am not afraid to show it.."