This letter to you.

Dear Jackie.
I was going to write this by hand, there is something special about reading a letter that is hand written. But my words don’t come out quite as poetic, and inspired.
I also wanted to get this letter to you before I left Redeemer, but, I was always with you, so I just let my thoughts float around in my mind for the last few days. And there was definitely a number of thoughts. Ones I don’t want to say, cause I fear they will just confuse you, or really pertain to no helpful purpose. I want this letter to be up building, but also truthful. There was things I didn’t want to think at Redeemer, actually sometimes they had to do more with me willing acknowledge something good in fear of it’s greatness would complicate my already scrambled future, or present.
At times I would sit in your classes and just allow myself to imagine myself as a student attending that college. Or when I would just casually wander into the grocery outlet, acting like a student getting that night meal, or picking out my favorite cereal for the week. It is amazingly frustrating how life seems so versatile, yet completely unchangeable, when you know there is another destination, a whole different world, waiting for you. That other world you can’t leave behind no matter the pro’s and cons you mentally make in your head for the place you’re wandering around, observing, and loving. I admit to feeling that confusion this past week, and in two minutes of panic I almost wanted to wake you up and tell you all these epiphanies, lucky I don’t wake a sleeping person. The morning light really reminds me of real life, and how great my reality is most of the time. Even when I complain, I have a million and one things to be thankful for. Friends that make me laugh to a point of tears. That hopeful glance I get from some one I think could be important to me if they aren’t already. The smile that I get when I feel completely amazed at some grandeur of God’s grace, usually lost in singing, while closing my eyes. And lastly, these letters to you. These letters allow me to explore the inner depths of how I really feel, and say them not only to a computer screen but to you, my friend.
So, as I leave this place with you I want you to know how much I love you, and to remind you how wonderfully brilliant your story is.
We have grown up together and I saw much of your life in the small town we call home, but when some one is absent from that place you can only imagine that other world they describe to you. Like many descriptions there is holes to reality. I stepped inside that reality this past week, the holey world I could only imagine, and I put on your lenses. The lenses of love for where you’re at, but also the fear of where you could be going. Stepping back into my own shoes I realize how identical our feelings are in regard to small issues as well as the over all picture. We are trying so desperately to obtain something in this life, and most occasions I know what that is: truth, purpose, and readiness to except the hand dealt to us. There is just the overall question to these things: how do we receive and know when we have found that purpose?
Just today you said to me: “.. there is no point in worrying about what is in the future..”.. for the future will take care of it’s self. I think forever I will be one to look at all the simplicities of life and smile, but still acknowledge that I haven’t lived my full adventure, my destined purpose. I hope there is a moment in time that we can hit each other and whisper with a smile on our faces and say “hey, so I just realized my purpose..” then live it to the best of our abilities. We don’t have to worry about the future, for the future and our purpose has found us.

“Halfway around the world
Lies the one thing that you want
Buried in the ground, hundreds of miles down.”
-The Fray

And by the way, I miss you.