Oh! The Places you will G0

I don't have a title for this post yet, because I am not sure what it's going to be about. Titles usually elude to the greatest discussed issue in the body. Problem is, I haven't quite made up my mind what to write about, what to discuss..
So, instead, I am going to do what I do best... just blab... and as my title for this blog suggests... I am going to... wonder ... particularly on this very wall post.
I feel that perhaps typing my thoughts will lead me to some great conclusion... like suddenly everything in life will become suddenly clearer, and I'll be enlightened. But, I am not sure how to piece these thoughts together.. so, here is my... "piecing".
First.. I spent half a year of my life in Houston, thinking I was going to dread it, but, ended up learning a significant amount, and enjoying about 80% of the time. That is a pretty high percent, and thus I am quite thankful very such a time.
Then, rationally, yet, irrationally, I decided to jump on a plane to England, and work as an Au Pair, which I had been planning for months. But, the only problem was.. that in those months of being in Houston, and "planning" to futurely, (not a word!), become an Au Pair, I discovered my hearts desire was to be involved with missions. Now, I am in England.. and let me tell you about it!
See, what people need to understand is this.. just because you are in a different location, like somewhere rad like England, does not mean life is always.. great. Not to say my life isn't great at some moments, for I have seen God's wonders in England. But, sometimes work is work, and not seeing friends is not seeing friends. Now, these things don't bother me all that much, knowing that this is where I am supposed to be. I have seen England's beauty and charm.. I have seen culture, and I have come to love a family dwelling within the small area of Aylsham. Here comes the next thing though... while here, and even before I was here, my mind and heart were in missions. Now, I resist being impatient, or discontent not doing exactly what I feel called to do. For I know there is lessons everywhere.. new things to learn that I can take into the next stage of my life, which, may very well be in missions. The only thing is this.. I keep thinking of the next stage of my life while I am in the present. And that is a problem.. is it not? Like, when you're in college and you look forward to Christmas break, to go home, then while at home you think of wanting to be back at college! It's a never ending circle of discontentment.. and I want it to stop!
I have recently, been invited to go work beside two missionaries in Ukraine, and I'm absolutely blessed, and excited! But, I keep telling myself that I need to enjoy where I am at, just being in England.. this was my dream at one point too! And, if you ever come to England, take time to marvel at how older England holds much history, and places like London can hold much culture. I plan to take two day trips in the next few weekends- one to Cambridge, the other to London! So, if you're reading this.. then, take a minute, sit and smile about where you're at, even if it doesn't seem like the dream at the time. Stop looking on top of the mountain peak for some where else to go!
And one of my favorite books, Dr. Seuss -Oh! The Places you will Go!
-You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

"Daughters of Jerusalem"

Yes, my Beloved, He's the fairest of 10,000
Yes, He is holy, He is humble, meek and lowly

Yes, my Beloved, He's the fairest of 10,000
And yes, He is holy, He is humble, meek and lowly

Daughters of Jerusalem, tell me if you find him
I am lovesick, I am lovesick
Daughters of Jerusalem, tell me if you find him
I am lovesick, I am lovesick

All I want is to be near you, with you where you are
All I want is to be near you, with you where you are

Perhaps I have posted these lyrics before.. It's a beautiful song I learned while in college. Every Thursday night I would to "Harp and Bowl" ..

{The Harp and Bowl style of worship, which features musical prayer, derives its name from Revelation 5:8, which describes heavenly creatures which each "had a harp" and "were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints."

A common feature of harp and bowl worship is antiphonal singers, who use the Bible as a song book along with spontaneous instrumental accompaniment.[1]

This style can sustain long periods of worship - for instance, the International House of Prayer in Kansas City has used this method of worship to sustain a prayer meeting since September 1999. Their example has inspired other churches to adopt similar practices.[2]}
Anyways, to say the least it was beautiful, some of my most touching, powerful worshipful moments I have encountered.
This song is how I am feeling right about now... "I want to be near you, with you where you are..."
I have had strings pulling at my heart and mind the last few days, or actually, months when I really take time to think about it. I came to England with some... mhm... hesitation. Not because I didn't want to go, but wasn't sure if this was my calling. I knew I desired to be in missions, or to be an environment where I was receiving more discipleship training. Yes, I believe I can be a disciple anywhere, but, I want to be.. immersed into missions, and finding my foot hold in mission based work, in an obvious, intentional way. Does that make sense?
I feel like sure, I am enjoying myself here, and in the job I am at, well most of the time! I am feeling a bit tired and cranky today.
But.. I am not being challenged, I don't feel myself changing for God, or understanding him or myself better.
So, I have had a change of plans! I am going to try and love being in England, being with a wonderful family, seeing wonderful things... playing house, eating Cherry pastries, watching the Big Bang Theory, Skyping late at night with April, jogging along the beautiful path and sitting on the bench. These things I love.
But, instead of coming back next fall with a new family, I am going to change my path. I am going to seek out mission work, or school. I am going to see where God leads me in that.

"You're an Onion"

-for the Father himself loves you dearly... John 16:27
Isn't this an amazing verse? All I can say.. Rad.
This weekend was one I have never ever experienced before. At one point I was laughing and fellowshipping with three girls- all from different countries.. Brazil, Portugal and France. We all spoke English, at least with our own accents. I loved it, God made us all, and we were all in love with him.
This love became even more evident to me when us four went to a Praise and Worship service in London. The place was filled with love.. love for God, our neighbor.. And God for us!
We sang this one song that said
"Let Heaven come and invade this place..", this was our desire!
The speaker that evening was very open, honest and touching. He spoke on what his passion is in life- healing the Orphan heart, helping the fatherless people of our nation. Our generation has become one of "fatherlessness"... a world broken and wounded by.. so many things.. abuse, neglect, selfishness, ultimately.. our sin.
There was a newspaper article that Mark (Stibbe)read to us about a group of girls in Britain named "Britain's Bad Girls".. these girls are just causing trouble around Britain.. acting in gangs, etc.
But, as many of us can piece together, that with every action there is some motivation, or in this case an emotional past trigger. . Many of these girls admitted that they had an abusive/unloving father, or mother. See, how our relationships effect those around us? There is a world full of hurting people. And the thing is.. when some one experiences an abusive, unloving relationship with their Father on earth- they, sadly, equate that with their father in heaven.
How wrong, yet, perhaps understandable. My heart breaks for these situations. I think God touched my heart.
It's crazy because I keep having these reoccurring themes in my life..
first, I keep hearing the verse, or phrase, -O God let us be a generation that seek, that seeks your face, O God of Jacob.
I was amazed that God was clearly saying Rise up Nation! Now..
Then, I heard a lot about the seasons of life.. about how there is a time to grow and change.. move around, come home, etc.
Now.. this.. the "fatherless" nation concept.
What a cool thing.. I love hearing something repeated, because God knows I need a few times of hearing it for me to understand! Ha.
The rest of the day, and next, I got to meet all the other Au Pairs (from various different countries) that were working in England. We all got to bond, and they were all sweet, and funny. I loved feeling the community, and immediate friendship between us.
Lastly, another cool thing about my weekend! On the final leg of my longish trip back from London to Aylsham, I got to ride home with Mike, my host family Dad. We got to chat about Charismatic concepts, etc. It was good for me to hear his opinion, and just be able to have a conversation like that really blessed me!
Oh, and I got three books today, ready for the amazing finds and choices..
#1.. an older copy of my absolutely favorite book by Brennan Manning- The Ragamuffin gospel just fell into my hands! Rad? Rad.
#2..The Pilgrim's Progress.. yes, it's not as rad, but getting there. I haven't actually read it all yet, but, I am excited.
#3.. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE! Wooohoooooo. This one also excites me... especially when I get to see houses from the 1600's like I did today! ah, what a life.
Okay!
Cheerio!

While sitting in my new home in Aylsham I randomly picked up a book off the Garwood's coffee table. It was called "The Noticer" by Andy Andrews (Ha, I love the name!). Anyways, I started reading it and got quite absorbed rather quickly.. it's a novel full of life lessons, and words that will make you stop and think. I highly recommend this book! Though.. I am not completely finished it myself yet, but I would still recommend at least the first 40 pages! It may be some what hard to see the vast significance of these words with out character and plot outline.

So, I thought I'd post some of the quotes I have come across to make me think, and ring true.

"Everybody wants to be on the mountaintop, but if you'll remember, mountaintops are rocky and cold. There is no growth on the top of a mountain. Sure, the view is great, but what's a view for? A view just gives us a glimpse of our next destination-our next target. But to hit that target, we must come off the mountain, go through the valley, and begin to climb the next slope. It is in the valley that we slog through the lush grass and rich soil, learning and becoming what enables us to summit life's next peak."

"So, my contention is that you are right where you are supposed to be." The old man scooped up a double handful of the white sand and let it pour from his fingers. "It may look like barren sand to you, son, but nothing could be further from the truth. I say to you that, as you lay your head down tonight, you are sleeping on fertile ground. Think. Learn. Pray. Plan. Dream. For soon... you will become."

"Remember, whatever you focus upon, increases...When you focus on the things you need, you'll find those needs increasing. If you concentrate your thoughts on what you don't have, you will soon be concentrating on other things that you had forgotten you don't have-and feel worse! If you set your mind on loss, you are more likely to lose...But a grateful perspective brings happiness and abundance into a person's life."

Last Saturday I got attend a Capernwray presentation by four college students attending this bible school. Each student gave their background story, testimony and a glimpse of their experience as a Capernwray student. I absolutely loved hearing each one speak about the different things God was doing in their lives.. most of them had similar backgrounds.. actually, I don't like saying that.. because everyone has a unique story.. what I mean to say is this, they all grew up in a Christian homes, and lived in North America. One of the students had quite an opposite story, she was from Germany, and had gone through times in her life that I couldn't even fathom... my heart hurt for her, yet, she was now growing into this wonderful person from these experiences, I could tell she was down to earth...once you got to know her, she was funny and personable.

There was a Canadian among the group, from Alberta. After the presentation he approached me as a fellow Canadian and we talked for awhile. I could tell by the way he presented himself that he was also very down to earth, not super hyper or "outgoing", but friendly in his own way. One thing I picked up very quickly from our conversation is that he was slightly pessimistic about random things. I tend to get a long with sarcastic people, so this didn't bother me, if anything I found it refreshing. Felicity found how we related as Canadian's quite interesting.. and how we maneuvered through out conversation topics.. chatting about Americans vs Canadians, Missions vs. Bible School, etc.

I have always felt an odd one out when it came to loving college. See, when I was in college I loved certain aspects.. Praise and Worship services, my awesome friends and room mates, and some of the classes were interesting.. I loved that I could be with a body of people my age who liked being involved in different academic, curricular activities.. But.. there is huge but.. I just felt.. not quite right all the time.. I yearned to be.. out in the world, or, at least out of the small Dordt College Campus.

For months I struggled with as of why I seemed different than everyone else... many of my peers seemed to love college life.. going to the fun dances... hanging out late into the night... being alright with always being slightly tired... doing homework late...

It didn't add up.. I was pretty outgoing, or at least chatty.. I didn't mind groups of people, though I do know I before smaller, more personal groups of friends... and I didn't mind learning.. I was scared that if I didn't love college then maybe I wouldn't love anything! Or, I wouldn't be as... "well adapted" into society, ha.

But, then.. I heard about.. 4 people's testimonies that night at the Capernwray presentation that I found comfort in. Each of these students hadn't attended the typical college.. the two males had tried it out for one year and didn't enjoy it. One super outgoing, friendly, God driven guy said "University and I didn't get along!", Ha.

The Canadian was really honest and said though all his classmates at Capernwray were all pretty interested in heading into the mission field, he wasn't.. yes, he wanted to be involved in youth group leading, and he was a mentor.. but, his passion was construction.. and that was where he'd be a witness for God.

So often we forget that we can be a witness, a light, salt of the earth for God anywhere... at almost any career choice. So many of us young adults are wandering around thinking and arguing with ourselves as of what we should be doing with our lives.. we dismiss everyday opportunities... looking for something big and "meaningful" that should be our life goal.

Yes, I want to be involved with missions..Yes, I want to see the world... but, I also want the small things of life too. Being home, or mentoring a kid from my community... And most importantly, I want to be joyful in all these circumstances.. whether I am on the mountain peak, or the sloping hillside going to the valley.

I am on my way to England.
I am on the way to something new.
This is a new season.

I have been thinking continuously about the seasons of life. My friend once showed me a part of a book by Donald Miller that really got me thinking.. and touched my heart. It resonated many of my own ideas of life. I have been using some of his idea's to explain to people why England and my hope for a mission filled future is on my heart so often. But.. also, being.. home, part of one community, having lasting friend, and appreciating the small, simple things of life.
So, enough said from me.. here is Donald Miller, an amazing writer.

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
— Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road)