Dear Friend,
For as long as I can remember I have been pretty quick tempered and sensitive.
I can remember when close friends started calling me "drama" the past few months I felt really horrible about myself... They also claimed they didn't mean it in a bad way, but I remember I felt so sad because I didn't see it as Godly.. For many reasons. I felt like I lacked maturity, love, and most of all wisdom. And I long for wisdom.
Tonight I sat down with my Bible and asked God to lead me.. lead me to something that when I read it some source of understanding will take place in my heart and mind.
My hands just naturally flipped to a favorite chapter, Ecc. 3.. but while on my way to that page my eyes got glued to the title of Ecc. 7- Wisdom.
Honestly I felt a guilt slip into my heart when I saw that word.. Wisdom. The word wisdom was like a huge elephant in the room, or between God and I. Like God knew my deep dark secret: I lacked wisdom.
I don't know how to deal with disappointment or frustration. Especially when I feel mistreated, which I did when I lost my temper tonight. A scary thing came upon me.. I had a huge pile of resentment and anger built up against a dear friend. I can point fingers at whose fault was what, but I end up getting so far from the idea of God's love, I feel physically ill.
I find faults in those around me, then the horrible ones I possess. I start lacking in the good parts of my personality, and can only see the bad, the sinful.
Part of me needs this humbling, but other times I think it's just useless and graceless, if not detrimental. I realize being mad at myself or those around me isn't really wise either way.
So I contemplate what wisdom is and how, oh how, do I attain it? One thing I got lost in tonight was the connecting verses in Ecc, Corinthians and Job. 1 Cor. being about "having the mind of Christ".
So it unfolded to me like this ...
God's thoughts, God's spirit
mind= thoughts + spirit =connection.
God's spirit + God's mind = connection.
We are told as Christians that we have the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Christ, dwelling within us.
we = possession of Spirit= God's Spirit.
God's Spirit + Mind= connected.
So, then we are told in 1 Cor. we, followers of Christ, have the mind of Christ.
We= having God's Mind.
Which makes sense since mind and Spirit are linked.
So, I understand that the Spirit is dwelling within us.. I guess I just saw it that if we weren't following Christ that the Spirit was not within us at that moment. But, then we are told we have the mind of Christ, it gets me. How?
My curiosity lead me to google.
I read a commentary about how the mind of Christ works..
"So we can see that to have the mind of Christ is not that Christians are perfect in their thoughts or that they have an infinite mind. But a process of thinking more spiritually about things. Seeing events in this life in their correct perspective. From a heavenly view." -Rod Jackson.
This makes sense to me. It's the idea of constantly transforming our mind, to that of Christ's.. which is given to us through his word, and spirit.
I'm working on that.